Understandable

 

Dear HR Department:  

I hate you. I can’t do anything about it but drink heavily and vent to my friends. Oh yeah, and leave in 2 weeks. But before then,  I want to leave you with my parting wishes. 

******: It is so hard, given that I hate you so much. I don’t call you a cunt for nothing. I know in the past I wished you caught various diseases, were mangled in a horrible plane crash in Uganda or maybe got audited by the IRS. 

But then I found the best thing I could wish for you. 

May you have a dead-end, low-paying, brain-numbing, unimaginative, thankless job where you get no respect, have no control over your duties, are micromanaged by an idiot douchebag, have no opportunity for advancement, use no creative thinking skills, do the same thing over and over and fucking over again and deal with assholes who look down their noses at you out of a misguided European superiority complex, sense of entitlement classist contempt. 

In short, may you become an Office Manager. 

******: I don’t know you. But your claw hand weirds me out. May you learn the wonders of depilatory, because curly black hairs on a lady’s chin just skeeve me out. 

******: May you make the best of your brittle bone disease and break a few more phalanges, a tibia, and maybe crack that thick skull of yours. 

With kindest wishes,
*******

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2 Responses to “Understandable”

  1. planetross Says:

    I think you’re getting soft in this post after the hydrochloric acid in the last one.
    … I could be wrong; I usually am.

  2. 2 Week's Notice Says:

    Oh man. Are you saying I’ve gone PG?!?!

    Next stop, VH1

    😦

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