Zebra Stripes

Dear Asshole,

You’re a prick. A dick. An asshole. A jerk, a tool, a douchebag. There’s no getting around it. True, you come off as a semi-decent person in the beginning. Assholes always do. But that decency is just a thin layer of slime over the slug that you really are. If I could drown you in salt and beer, believe me, I would have a thousand times over. 

When the former office manager – who reported to you for 3 years- died, you sent out an intern to buy a card for the family and told me to just pick some bunch of flowers, but not to spend too much.  You call me into your office every month or so to tell me how much I suck at life, the universe and everything, but never quite get a toe over the line where I could actually do something about it and sue this you and this fucking organization for abuse or harrassment.  You tell me my co workers don’t like me but refuse to tell me who or what was said exactly, and expect this to be some sort of motivation that improves my performance.  You tell me I suck at my job, yet fire the person who was “more qualified” than I am. You eavesdrop on other people’s conversations, check their email and listen in on their phone calls.  

You’re an asshole. I hate you. Simple statement of facts. I know now that before I was here, you were an asshole. I know that after I’m gone, you will be an asshole. A zebra doesn’t change its stripes so I don’t expect you to ever stop being an asshole.  

My only hope is that I made your life just that much more annoying and difficult. You’re small and petty and let things like that get to you. Every time you send me a snotty email when there is no coffee or milk, it’s really no skin off my back. You think these things happen on by accident? Nah. They’re just part of my larger plan to piss you off. And I know I’ve succeeded. 

Then I smile, just for a second. 

I hope you choke. I really, really do,
*******

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2 Responses to “Zebra Stripes”

  1. planetross Says:

    You think of this person too much.
    You probably think of them when you see lightning … and wish they were under it.
    … or a million other naturally disastrous naturally occurring occurances.

    It’s only natural.

  2. Unfortunate font Says:

    I expected to see a countdown clock……

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