Techniques of combat

Once upon a time, there was an office in Anyoffice, NY where Department 1 operations needed a new policy to deal with the workflow between Department 2.

Department 1 Supervisors Bitch and Cunt developed new policy for Department 1 to respond to need.  Boss Asshole has no idea what goes on, and because he is lazy, signs off on the policy (lucky for him, Bitch and Cunt are actually competant and wrote good policy, even if they are bitches and cunts.) 
Department adopted new policy where one did not exist. Policy is agreed upon by Departments 1 and 2. 

Boss Asshole informed Departments of new policy via email. 

Department 1 Worker A read email carefully and begins to follow new policy. 

Worker A takes care in detail-oriented work and policy helps to improve the ease in which Worker A is able to do the job. Worker A is pleased with new policy. 

When Worker A is presented with a situation that varies from the policy, Worker A sends an email to Supervisors Bitch and Cunt with questions, including background evidence so Supervisors B and C can make informed decisions. 

Supervisors B and C make decision, inform Worker A on how to proceed. 

Worker A carried out decision.  

Worker A carried on with job, newly productive due to clear policy and training. 

Boss Asshole is contacted by Department 2 Workers N, O and P from because they didn’t like the outcome of Worker A’s actions, although said actions were within policy, ultimately approved by Supervisors Bitch and Cunt and are necessary to completion of Department 1 work. Department 2 has no jurisdiction over this work. 

Instead of explaining to Workers N, O and P that actions were carried out due to policy set in place and agreed-upon by all departments, AND that actions were just given the situation in question, Boss Asshole called Worker A into office. 

Boss Asshole repeatedly wasted 45 min-1 hour of  Worker A’s time by demanding that Worker A explain all of Worker A’s actions.

Worker A is made to feel incompetant, defensive, micromanaged and has intelligence insulted by Boss Asshole.

Worker A also gets sick of being punished for doing job. 

Worker A quickly loses interest in doing job, because work will just be redone by Workers N, O and P each time they complain to Boss Asshole, who won’t stand up for Worker A, Department 1 or policy. 

Worker A stops being proactive and productive. 

Worker A sends everything to Supervisors Bitch and Cunt, even for standard situations that fall well within policy and which Worker A regularly handled successfully in the past. 

Worker A generates 35% more email every day, with questions to fill up Supervisors Bitch and Cunt’s email boxes. 

Supervisors Bitch and Cunt are required to answer all questions. If they do not, Worker A is prevented from being able to do job. Work slows and Bitch and Cunt are held responsible. 

Worker A sees success in this new system, and adopts in all facets of job. 

Worker A no longer answers any questions and sends all questions up the chain of management, clogging the system and slowing the ability of the office to get things done.

Worker A basks in inefficiency and spends extra time looking for jobs on the interwebs while planning weekend seminars to teach similarly oppressed workers the newest techniques of combat and reading cooking blogs.

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One Response to “Techniques of combat”

  1. planetross Says:

    hee hee!

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