Top 10 Signs You’re On Your Way to a Nifty Work-Related Drinking Habit

10. Your (few nice) coworkers no longer worry that you’re being beaten by a significant other  when they see the bruises on your bare legs on Casual Friday. They think it is hilarious when you say you fell in the shower whilst skunked and tangled in your socks, and have instead chosen to believe that you’re just a clumsy person who took up rollerblading over the weekend. 

9. It is only Tuesday and you’ve already gone through half of the big bottle of Absolut because it was on sale at the liquor store. AND it was somehow cheaper than the jug of Kalatchnakayakovakillmeplease with the E-Z pour spout. 

8. You don’t even like vodka, you like whiskey. But you were too buzzed to get to Trader Joes (2 Buck Chuck, y’all!) and you’re watching your pennies these days, so vodka it is. 

7. You drink the vodka straight while watching Intervention and wishing that you could get enough of an addiction that would merit 60-90 days in a treatment facility only because it would mean:

a. not having to go to work

b. maybe even seeing if your family/friends actually care about you enough to make fools of themselves on national tv. 

c. guilting someone into paying for a nice Indian dinner-all the courses, dammit-  to celebrate your release. 

6. You find an old bottle of blackberry liquor and peppermint schnaps way in the back of the fridge behind the Frank’s and your roommate’s mashed potatoes. Party tiiiiime!

5. (But seriously, look at me. Can you picture this on rollerblades?)

4. You read anorexic blogs in hopes of developing an eating disorder if only it would stop you from drinking so damn much. 

3. But at least vodka only has about 60 calories per shot. 

2. And if you cut the vodka with water, you can totally stretch it out til like Thursday. 

1. Fusck it, fucking wheres the tAcoBell and why donnt they fukking deliver?

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2 Responses to “Top 10 Signs You’re On Your Way to a Nifty Work-Related Drinking Habit”

  1. planetross Says:

    Why isn’t alcoholism called a drinking disorder … like those food ones?

    I’d rather be drunk for a month than hungover for a month … if that’s possible.

  2. 2 Week's Notice Says:

    So those with a drinking disorder would be drinking disordered? Is it just me or does that sound like the name of a Battle of the Bands band….

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