Archive for the ‘daydream’ Category

Freedom (or, Mindgames II)

February 24, 2010

Oh, XKCD, where would I be without you.  It’s like we share the same hive-mind or something

Mindgames

January 25, 2010

Dear Customers, 

Because I’m feeling magnanimous today, I will share with you the reason I don’t allow you to visibly anger me anymore with your stupid demands, rudeness, insipid helplessness and generaly cuntitude that comes with being middle-aged menopausal women. 

When you start up with your nastiness, rudeness, and general mistreatment of me, the retail worker, I imagine stabbing you with my scissors, in the face, repeatedly. I picture picking up the largest piece of merchandise near me and swinging it like a baseball bat until it connects with that thick skull of yours.  Home-run!  

And to top it off, after I finish killing you in my head, I smile, look you straight in the eye and wish you a great afternoon, good luck or a wonderful evening. And I thank you for your patronage. 

See, if you anger me and I break the mask I wear to get through the day, then you win.  But when I continue about my task of helping you with the same level of neutral professionalism and polite faux-interest that I give my nonasshole customers, I win.  And top it off,  I’m entertained by scenes of your death.

Some days are harder than others, but I Will. Not. Let. You. Get. To. Me. 

So doubly,  I will continue to win because I laugh at you. You have no idea what I’m thinking  and that is freedom.  

Oh yeah, and I watch Dexter not for entertainment, but more of a “how-to.”

Thank you, come again,

*******

Status meeting

December 31, 2009

Dear Customers,

I’m proud to say, I made it through the holidays without a  without much of a body count.

That said, you’re on notice. I’m stretched tighter than Rush Limbaugh’s pants after a weekend pills n liquor bender. 

I may fucking snap at any moment right now. 

Fuck. You. 

*******

Things With Which I Would Like to Bludgeon My Boss

July 8, 2009

10. a 50lb sack of unground coffee beans
9. the front desk
8. a cricket bat
7. the new HR assistant
6. a carton of milk
5. one of the ugly pictures that hang in his office
4. the coffee maker
3. a stapler
2. the broken chair in the kitchen
1. my telephone