Posts Tagged ‘boss’

Top 10 Ways to Enjoy Your 2 Weeks’ Notice

September 23, 2009

10. Add an extra 20 min to your lunch. Enlist the help of a nice intern to cover the phones. 

9. Gossip profusely with the other serfs in the office because you ain’t in no hurry to get any work done and they’re very chatty since they know where you stand. 

8. Enjoy an insanely amazing and decadent dinner at Babbo with someone you care about. 

7. Ignore emails from your boss until he puts the director in copy and then reply only when no fewer than 2 hours have passed. 

6. Take 4 hours to do a 20 minute project where you are expected to collect desk keys, re-label them, , put them in an envelope for each person whose desk they belong to, seal the envelope, have the person sign it and then create a filing system.  Breakdown: 20 minutes for the actual project, 4 hours spent explaining to the office why you’re spending 4 hours doing a task around desk keys that no one even uses. 

5. Refuse to train your replacement on the grounds that you have been deemed over and over “unqualified” and don’t feel comfortable. 

4. Spend several days being shuttled back and forth between directors smiling as you walk down the hall, knowing you’re just running down the clock. 

3. Make plans with various serfs to have dinner, drinks and revenge. Gossip some more. 

2. Show up 25 minutes late every morning. 

1. Laugh in your boss’ face when he threatens to fire you, after you’ve already given notice.

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The light at the end of the tunnel

September 15, 2009

Dear ********,

 This letter is to give two weeks’ notice of my intent to leave my position as Office Manager/HR Assistant with (Organization Which Doesn’t Deserve Your Generous Funds).  I have decided to accept another position where I have a chance for professional growth and where my skills will be better utilized. 

I’d like to wish you and your organization all the best in your future endeavors. 

Sincerely,
ME

Youth Gone Wild

September 4, 2009

Dear Asshole,

Check it.

Since I was born they couldn’t hold me down. Another misfit kid, another burned-out town. Never played by the rules I never really cared. My nasty reputation takes me everywhere.


I look and see it’s not only me. So many others have stood where I stand.  We are the young so raise your hands.  

They call us problem child. We spend our lives on trial. We walk an endless mile.  We are the youth gone wild.  We stand and we won’t fall. We’re the one and one for all. The writing’s on the wall. We are the youth gone wild. 

Boss screamin’ in my ear about who I’m supposed to be. Getcha a 3-piece Wall Street smile and son you’ll look just like me.  I said “Hey man, there’s something that you oughta know. I tell ya Park Avenue leads to Skid Row.”  I look and see it’s not only me. We’re standin’ tall ain’t never a doubt. We are the young, so shout it out 

They call us problem child. We spend our lives on trial. We walk an endless mile. We are the youth gone wild. We stand and we won’t fall.  We’re the one and one for all.  The writing’s on the wall.  We are the youth gone wild.

FUCK THIS SHIT. 

*******

X-ray spex

September 4, 2009

Dear ********,

When you try to behave like a decent human being towards me or anyone else in this office, you should know I can see right through you.  

In the animal world, baring your teeth is a sign of aggression. Rest assured that is what I’m doing when I say good morning to you. 

FUCK YOU. FUCKING DIE YOU FUCKING FUCK. 
*******

VIOLENT TEMPER

September 1, 2009

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Sarkasm, I haz it

August 26, 2009

Dear ********,

You’re going to indulge me while I engage in a past time we Americans like to call “snark.” It is really quite simple. Just try to keep up. 

 

You want me to count the number of pens and pencils in the office rather than work on recruitment when I have 4 urgent posts open? SURE. 

You sent me an email entitled “papertowel management” and expect me to respond? SURE. 

After deeming me “unqualified” for the job I already do, you hire a new HR Assistant and expect me to TRAIN her? SURE. 

So, do you get the general structure of the game? Let’s try the next level. 

You fire the HR Assistant who was MORE QUALIFIED THAN ME, then dump her duties on our intern -who incidently also interviewed for the HR Assistant job but was deemed unqualified AND was nice enough to kill some time in the office while trying to get a job? SURE. 

You not only dump the duties onto Unqualified Person #2 (Intern) but you expect her to do the job you wouldn’t pay her to do? SURE. 

You ask prioritize the collection all desk keys in the office, tag them, label them, put them in labeled envelopes, then have the person with the corresponding desk sign and seal the envelope of the key after I got back from vacation, and have about 10 days of emails? PS:  $40 in key copies later, and no less than 10 staff members tell me they don’t lock their desks anyway. SURE.

You tell me that you see me only as an office manager and expect me to stay here? SURE. 

Jesusfuck, this game is like Monopoly. It can seriously go on forever. Or for the next 2 weeks. 

Which, while having to deal with you, feels like forever. 

UGH, FUCKING DROP DEAD ALREADY,
*******

Raison d’etre

August 25, 2009

Dear ********,

Maybe I really am only capable of answering the phones. But I’ll be goddamned if I do it for you any longer. 

Sincerely,

*******

Query

August 25, 2009

 

Dear ********, 

Why are you such an asshole? Can you explain that to me, typed, double-spaced and in 200 words or less, before I leave? Hell at this point I’d even accept an explanation in the form of a puppet show. 

Thanx,
*******

Performance Review

August 24, 2009

 

Dear ********,  

Since I’m leaving in 2 weeks, I thought I’d leave you with your performance review before I go instead of writing my actual resignation letter here. You can read my formal evaluation as sent via separate email, but I thought I’d include a simple summary here: 

You suck. 

Seriously.

I mean, wow. 

WOW,
*******

Opportunity knocks

August 24, 2009

Dear ********,

I got the opportunity to not see you every day. I’m taking it. 

Go to hell,

*******