Posts Tagged ‘waste of time’

Bursting with adequatulence

July 22, 2009

Dear ******,

As of today, I give my 2 weeks’ notice. It was awesome to come back from vacation and be told by no less than 5 people that they’re glad I returned, before things completely descended into chaos.  Stick that in your yearly review and smoke it. 

See, if the office were a beauty pageant contestant, I would be the glue keeping your ass in the bikini.  You can try to do it on your own, but without me keeping things in place, well, you just end up with a giant wedgie.  When I’m here, you can focus on more “important” things.  When I’m not,  you realize that no one is there to cover your ass anymore.  Which you will only realize from the collective gasp of the audience during your baton-twirling tribute to Great American Competitve Eaters, complete with rhythmic gymnastics, to the tune of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” 

Indeed. I shall leave you to Vaseline your teeth. 

With kindest regards, you stupid rimjob, 



I’m totally glad I didn’t bother to send a thank you

July 19, 2009

Dear *******,

We greatly appreciate your interest in joining our staff at Global Health Strategies and were very impressed with your background and credentials. We also want to thank you for taking the time to speak with the Principal, ***** ****, over the phone.  At this point, we have decided to take the position in a different direction. We will keep your application on file should any future positions or project work become available at GHS.  

We wish you the best of luck in your continued job search and future endeavors.

All the best,

****** *****

Office Manager

Global Health Strategies

27 West 24th Street, Suite 900

New York, NY 10010

Tel: 212-929-7888 ext. 23


Meh. It’s totally cool, ****** ***** Office Manager. I just wasn’t that into you either. Especially after your Big Whodie-Who wasted 45 minutes of my time on a phone interview only to tell me the position doesn’t offer benefits, is temporary and will end after 4 months. 

That’s really the kind of thing you’d want to mention in the job ad. Otherwise, people like me waste 2″ of cyberspace applying, then telling the world how lame you are.